My Life ... So Far

Today I want to take a page from our friend Sara's book. Our blog, I hope, has been fun for all who read it. Steve and I like to have fun and laugh, and we are trying very hard to make sure Samantha (our ever serious baby) enjoys life as much. But God brought us down a long and winding path to get to this place. It wasn't easy. It wasn't fun. But it was so very worth it! Samantha will officially be 3 months old at 12 minutes after midnight. I am so overwhelmed with joy and awe that I want to share thoughts that are not the norm for our little blog. Life isn't always fun. We're all faced with challenges and difficulties, but those are the times, I have found, that truly define who we are. Do you just get angry? Do you turn to God? Do you question Him? Do you shut people out? Or do you let them in? I think I have done a little bit of everything along the way. I'm human.

Even if you have looked back to the beginning of the blog, back to the shots that I had to have to ovulate in order to create this precious child, you may not know that our journey to have a child started 2 years before that. It involved countless pills (progesterone, Clomid, Tamoxifen, Femara ... ), ultrasounds, bloodwork, a disheartening diagnosis, a devastating miscarriage, anti-depressants, and more prayer than you can imagine. There were times I wanted to give up all hope. There were times that I just knew the next round of pills would be magic. Through it all, I tried to never lose sight of the absolute truth that God is good, ALL of the time. It took lots of love, encouragement, and support, but we stuck with it and found the "formula" that worked for us. I hope to never take that for granted, and my heart breaks for the many people I know who haven't found their "formula" yet. You know who you are ... hang in there. It will happen.

This time 3 months ago, I was in the hospital, pushing with all my might. Steve was right beside me, holding a leg, counting. Its so funny what you remember from those moments - I distinctly remember Steve skipping numbers (on purpose, by the way) in his 10 count. And I remember thinking "Oh thank you!" Alas, my sweet pea was stubborn and was brought into this world at 12:12 am via c-section. I remember the first time I saw her, the first moment I heard her cry. I am overwhelmed to think of it now. She is truly a miracle, an answer to prayer, and proof positive that God listens.

Samantha, my precious gift from God, I love you more than you will ever know. I wanted you before you were ever conceived. I will mess up, unfortunately. I will fail you and dissappoint you. You won't always understand me. You will feel like I don't understand you. But, please know, I desire only wonderful things for you. My goal in life is to make sure that you never, never, never, feel unloved or unwanted. You are so special. This first 3 months has been amazing. I am looking forward to all of the many other wonderful things that God has in store for us. I am looking forward to many more "adventures" with you, even if they are nothing more than a trip to Kroger to get you to go to sleep. Your addition made Daddy and me a family. We love you so much! Happy Birthday!